BREAKING: The Real Ben Masten Has Been Discovered


Authorities announced today that they had located the REAL Ben Masten after an extensive search following his abscondment with ALL OF THE HEARTS of ALL OF THE LADIES.  The child is unidentified, but is possibly the REAL Wee Tiny DJ Flav, not to be confused with the Actual Size Regular Old DJ Flav, who looks like this:

The two men have a known disagreement dating back to the publication of a 2log post entitled “Why I Hate Bunnies,” to which Masten claims intellectual copyright.

The discovery also calls into question the identity of this man, who has been masquerading as Ben Masten for at least 8 years:

Authorities would not comment on the bespectacled man’s true identity, but a source close to the investigation, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told 2log it is thought that he might be Kumquatious Brunquist, the idiot prince of the lost island of Moofarja.


**cross-posted at


EDITOR’S NOTE: Cashmere Thoughts is an occasional feature in which the reader is given the privilege of glimpsing the contents of Sam’s notebook of potential material for Audience of Two shows. The contents of this post might just find their way to the stage of a theater near you!  On the other hand, the contents of this post may be roundly rejected by Ben and never again see the light of day.


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